Showing posts with label rasslin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rasslin. Show all posts

Living the Gimmick (2022)


Retired pro 'rassler Alex Donovan just wants to run his bar in peace, but when his former tag team partner Ray "The Wild Child" Wilder shows up at his door, Donovan knows the drinks will flow and blood may spill. And if the boys wanna fight you better let em. But what's this?! Somebody wants Donovan's good buddy Ray DEAD! So much so that they're willing to blow Ray's brains out on Donovan's doorstep just to prove how serious they are at this murdering business. Donovan must have been blinded by some powder in the eyes or a heel manager distraction at ringside though, because he didn't get a clear shot of who the assassin actually was. Determined to get to the bottom of the case and equally determined to not let the police simply do their own investigation, Donovan sets out on a mission of vengeance to root out Ray Wilder's killer and bring them to justice... one sidewalk slam at a time.

It pains me to say that I struggled to get through this one. As evidenced by my review of Big Apple Takedown, I'm a big advocate of pro wrestling being featured in fiction. I feel like there's an untapped goldmine of potential stories you can get out of using pro wrestling as your main tableau to entertain fans of grapplers and gimmicks, but while Living the Gimmick is indeed a novel featuring pro wrestling as the backdrop, I feel that it isn't exactly written for wrestling fans. Allow me to explain my thinking here...

So much of what is described in the text of this novel by author Bobby Mathews are things that are already going to be well known to any wrestling fan worth their salt. And yet they are relayed to the reader at times in painstaking detail, as if to let an outsider in on the joke and fully explain what some of the insider lexicon actually means. That's why I have a hunch this novel is written primarily for crime and mystery fans who are complete neophytes to the world of pro wrestling or non-fans entirely. A wrestling fan today knows what a double cross is. A wrestling fan today knows what a run-in is. A wrestling fan today knows what a blade job is. These things are all doubly true in the internet smart mark era. At worst, some of the flashbacks we see to Donovan and Wilder's heyday in the waning 80's territory period that were supposed to set up potential suspects who might have enough of a grudge against Wilder to want to murder the dude decades later came across to me as cynical attempts to inflate the page count, such were the lengths of certain asides about pro wrestling minutiae and trivia.

I also found it incredibly strange that while the author has created his own fantasy world where one character is clearly meant to be a representation of Vince McMahon and another character is clearly meant to be a representation of Ric Flair and so on, there are occasional references to real life figures in wrestling history. It's frankly jarring to have all of these fictional counterparts and suddenly there's a reference to a real-life promoter like Paul Boesch show up in the text, or a reference to the Funks. Again, these are small things that a non-fan will never notice. My best guess is the author put the real-life names that the characters are based on into the text while he was writing drafts and then went through and replaced those names with their fictional counterparts later and perhaps forgot to replace a few names here and there. It's either that or he made the baffling decision to sprinkle a few real names in with the others, which in the immortal words of Hulk Hogan, "doesn't work for me, brother."

If you're looking at Living the Gimmick purely from the mystery and whodunnit angle, it does work a lot better. Donovan as a character works well as the inadvertent makeshift sleuth pressed into service for the sake of a fallen comrade in arms. He's got the same world-weariness and beatdown temperament as a grizzled cop style character without actually being a policeman. The main difference is, Donovan acquires his blackened soul from hard years on the road doing the pro wrestling circuit as opposed to hard years working a beat in a crime-ridden neighborhood. There is a mild sense of absurdity where instead of say, canvassing a neighborhood for clues regarding a crime as a police officer might in a more conventional mystery potboiler, Donovan is instead seen trawling through the locker rooms and back offices at a wrestling show searching for leads. This discord exists because the tone of Living the Gimmick is mostly on the serious side, leaning far more towards something like The Wrestler for inspiration than say, Body Slam or No Holds Barred.

For me, this one was a miss. (Or a Dusty Finish if you like.)

Big Apple Takedown (2006)

World Wrestling Entertainment chairman and paralegal connoisseur Vince McMahon is recruited into the NSA along with a team of top grapplers - John Cena, Triple H, Batista, Torrie Wilson, and Chavo Guerrero - to take down a big-time meth lab whose funds are being used to finance terrorist activities. I swear this is a real plot for a real book and I am not under the influence of any narcotics as I type this.


Books like Big Apple Takedown are one of the reasons I started doing these reviews in the first place. Because why, oh why, does this book even exist? Who exactly had the bright idea that a spy novel featuring a crack team of pro wrestlers carrying out Mission: Impossible style antics would have any kind of audience? It's not exactly written for youngsters because have you seen Torrie Wilson's tits emblazoned across the front cover? And it's not exactly written for a sophisticated adult audience because did you just read the above plot synopsis?

As far as the cast, we have Vince McMahon as the M character giving out the mission. Triple H is sort of the main Ethan Hunt type character. John Cena is the undercover guy. Torrie Wilson is the distracting eye candy. Batista is the rookie agent. And Chavo Guerrero is the Q man-in-the-van style tech expert. Because, as we all know, Chavo is an avid gamer. Right? Remember that particular piece of knowledge popping up on Monday Night Raw every week??? The wrestlers not having anything close to either their real-life personalities or their wrestling characters' personalities tells me the author has likely never actually watched a wrestling match in his life.

The problem here is with an absolutely absurd set-up like this, Big Apple Takedown should be a glorious so-bad-it's-good dumpster fire. The premise of a bunch of wrestlers embarking on an undercover superspy career has amazing potential for a cheesy good time. Instead we have this incredibly bland and generic romp that just kind of meanders for a while, gives us a few tepid action scenes, makes us cringe with bad dialogue, and then it's over. If I was author Rudy Josephs (who I refuse to believe is a real person), I would be ashamed of myself for failing to deliver any decent fight scenes in a novel starring pro wrestlers as your protagonists. It's kind of implied in what they do for a living that they should be good at fighting, no? We should be getting the literary equivalent of "Rowdy" Roddy Piper's fight scene in They Live with this many beefy men featured as main characters.

Perhaps the only highlight of Big Apple Takedown is a cameo towards the end where "Stone Cold" Steve Austin shows up, whoops some ass, and leaves. But it just makes me think we could have had a much better spy novel with Stone Cold as secret agent 3:16. It'd be even better if it was written by Steve Austin too.

Avoid.